Helping Hand

What's wrong with people? I mean really, what is WRONG with people? When I got to work this morning I was about to head upstairs but I saw an elderly man standing near me and he was crying.

From the look of him he was in diminished circumstances and pretty upset. I watched as people looked at him and just kept on going about their business. I couldn't believe it!

I walked over to him and asked him if he was alright. He said that he was worried about his sister because she had a stroke and he didn't know what to do. I asked him if there was someone I could call for him. He said that he wasn't sure who to speak to. He wasn't sure if she was in the hospital yet or where she was.

He was obviously not flush with cash and probably not fully capable either. I asked where he lived and he said that it was a lodging house a couple of blocks away. We decided to try and go to the community policing station in Jackson Square but it was closed. In the end I called the police to see if they could give me some idea of who he could speak to.

Once I explained the situation the police offered to come down and have an officer speak to him. That way they could find out where to take him. Unfortunately at that point I had to leave. I spoke to security in my building and they promised to look after him until the police showed up.

I went back down on my break and was advised that the police showed up and they have spoken to him in the past. They took him and advised that they would find out where his sister was and would be able to get him to see her.

That took me 10 minutes. I had a conversation with him and offered my sympathy for the fact that his sister was ill. All he needed was for someone to try and all he got from the people around him was disdain and uncomfortable stares. Sickening.

I want my kids to grow up treating people like people. I want them to know that it is alright to ask someone who is obvious distress if they need help. I want to think that if one of my Grandparents or Parents was in the same situation someone would have helped them.

Jumping Ship

I have decided to make a big change in my life. At a bit of a dangerous time I have decided to change jobs. This wasn’t something that I actually was seeking at this time seeing as Andrea is on Maternity Leave and we have a new baby, but it was too good an opportunity to pass up.

Let me be frank, currently I feel that I am good at my role. The problem is that I have been in it for more than 4 years. I began with my company and within 9 months had moved 3 positions, all of which were up the ladder, and the one I currently in was advertised as the next stepping stone. Unfortunately, the combination of an American head office, a tanking economy and a stalled workforce made it impossible to move to where I wanted.

I don’t in any way feel animosity towards the company. I thank them for the opportunities that they provided me. I was able to take training in Boston for a week which was nice because I was able to visit a city I have always wanted to see, I have provided a month-long Sabbatical on my 5th anniversary which allowed me to spend time with Andrea and our newborn son Leighton not to mention be there for Declan’s first day of Junior Kindergarten. A generous Vacation policy was also extended upon being hired.

The drawbacks were varied. I have never worked Monday to Friday in my whole working life and the new job has offered that. I can’t count the number of events I missed out on because of working on Sundays. I hope that this never happens again. The commute was difficult and could be costly. On Sunday mornings it would take 11 minutes from door to door but on a Monday it has taken upward of an hour. My new position is within a 15 minute walk of my front door. I have always wanted to work in Hamilton and being this close to home is a dream come true.

The pay difference has the potential to be substantially in my favour and when you combine it with the saving of wear and tear on the van and gas you can’t go wrong. I also get to take advantage of the pension program which I look forward to learning more about.

I think that the most important difference will be the possibility for advancement. The new place seems to have plans in place for movement through the company. I look forward to this most. I crave the chance to continue to learn in a situation that can provide me new experiences. I look forward to identifying a career trajectory and working toward fulfilling it.

I won’t pretend that this change will be easy or that it will be comfortable. The anxiety that it has produced has led to some sleepless nights as well. What I do know is that with the support of Andrea and my Family I have made a decision that I hope will lead me to further success.

I can’t wait to see where it takes me!

Christmas' Past

Christmas is coming…There I said it! It is really only two months away and now that we have three kids I am starting to wonder if July would be a good time to begin planning for Christmas presents going forward.


Having said that I have been struggling over the last few years to continue the connection that I have always had with the holiday. We didn’t have much as kids, we never went hungry or anything, but at Christmas my parents did everything that they could to give us what we wanted. I honestly don’t think I can remember a year where I was not happy with what I got. I learned to set my expectations appropriately so that what I received was in line with what Santa could bring.

Those days were filled with very specific traditions. We always had a Scotch Pine, which my parents discontinued recently, that my Dad would trim and set up. My Mom, my Sisters and I would decorate it with baubles and things that we had accumulated since I was a kid. In the end our tree was a gaudy assortment of the Christmas detritus of years past. I absolutely loved it. It was a connection to my childhood and the one season that I adored.


Now that I have my own family I find that sometimes I struggle at Christmas. We are still establishing our holiday traditions because of how young our family is. Andrea is allergic to pine so a real tree is out of the question. No matter how much I love the idea of a real tree I hate the idea of my wife being uncomfortable. She offered to just dose herself with Benadril for the holidays once but I couldn’t ask her to do that.

I find the lights on the trees to be kind of annoying now. I used to love the flickering of the coloured lights that we used to have as kids but now we have LEDs that are energy efficient and they don’t feel as warm or inviting to me. I liked watching my Dad go through a string to find the one bulb that was shot and I actually enjoyed doing that myself when I first got my own place.


I struggle to continue traditions from my family such as placing cards on the tree for everyone in the family. This is only due to the fact that Christmas Cards are ridiculously expensive these days. But on Christmas morning we would go downstairs and the tree would be covered in them: From my parents to us kids and vice versa as well as from us kids to each other. It’s unfortunate to think that this isn’t practical, but that money could be spent on presents.

I find I have no connection to any of the television specials that are on now either. I don’t get excited unless The Grinch, Rudolph, Frosty or Mickey’s Christmas Carol are on. The rest of them are just a bit silly. I am also waiting for Charlie Brown’s Christmas to be discontinued due to how religious it is.

I feel like they had Christmas right until about the mid 80’s and then it just fell apart. The magic was lost. I used to get excited about the Sears Christmas Wishbook because it was the best way to tell that Christmas was on the way. Now you can just search the web and find the top presents out there and order them on Amazon. Not that this is a bad thing because I find myself ready to snap whenever I go Christmas shopping.

Part of me wants to try an Olde Fashioned Christmas. Something out of a Dicken’s novel without the dirt of Victorian London around me. I would like to give gifts that mean something, possibly even gifts that are homemade, be it in my home or some other home from someone who has much more skill than I do. I have even been looking at the Lee Valley catalogue because they have some really neat wooden toys that I think would be fun to put together with the boys.

I guess what I am saying is that Christmas isn’t what it used to be. We can’t sing Christmas songs without offending someone, we can’t say Merry Christmas without upsetting people. I feel like we have squeezed all the joy out of the Season. I used to look forward to the Christmas concert that we had at school or when I was in High School we would get together before classes began in the school lobby and sing Christmas Carols. At those sing-a-longs we had Hindus, Jews, Christians, Atheists, a veritable plethora of beliefs. No one was upset because these were the songs of our childhood, our parent’s childhood.

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t meant to be a rant about Christmas being ruined by people who are hyper-sensitive (though I think there is something in that); it is me mourning that in the end it will probably never live up to what it was when I was a kid. I think I am just trying to find my own way of getting a bit of that feeling back.

I love my kids

I love my kids. I really do. Andrea and I have found that adding a third to the mix has been both rewarding and challenging to say the least. Two is easy compared to three. I have had a lot of people tell me that once you get past three it becomes easy again if you decide to have more. I think they are full of it.

When I say I love my kids I mean it in the most sincere way. I can tell you right now though that there are days where I don’t like them much. Such as days when none of them listen to a word that either of us say or days when all I hear is the whining and whimpering over the littlest thing. “Daddy, Rhys took my puzzle piece” or “Declan took my truck”. Let’s be honest, there are more trucks and puzzles then I care to think about. Unfortunately there is no reasoning with them when these situations occur.

Yesterday Leighton and I had a bit of a misunderstanding. He didn’t realize that when having his bum changed he shouldn’t pee or poop. I didn’t realize that as a six week old he hasn’t quite grasped this concept. In the span of 5 minutes he almost peed in his own face, almost had and explosive bowel movement all over me and our bed, and then almost peed in his own face again! It definitely was not one my more stellar moments as I said to Andrea, “This going very poorly for me right now!” I seem to recall also saying, “Oh geez, I’m panicking!” Hilarity ensued. Eventually he got cleaned up. No one got hurt in the process so that it is good.

We have found that going out to supper has become fraught with trouble. One doesn’t want to eat anything on the menu or only wants to eat what is on someone else’s plate and the other just wants to go the bathroom 5 times to check it out.

Last night we were asked to go to supper for Andrea’s Father’s birthday. We gladly accepted and hoped that by going with the Grandparents the boys may behave a bit better we would not be in as much trouble as we have been lately. Boy were we wrong.

Dinner was at the Mandarin in Burlington which is a Chinese Buffet for those who don’t know. It is considered one of the best one’s around and is always busy at dinner time. We chose a good time as we were there earlier than most diners so it wasn’t as busy as it would be later. The boys started out alright but it eventually went downhill.

Rhys had a small throw up off garlic bread that set the tone. His diaper then leaked and I had to change it which was a joy. Picture a men’s bathroom with urinals across one wall and then on the opposite wall next to the stalls there is a diaper change table. Picture me in front of that table squatting on the ground to get Rhys’ new pants pulled up and put his shoes back on. Now picture a grown mad coming in and deciding to use the urinal directly behind me even though there were 3 others that were vacant. This man’s derriere was approximately half a foot from the back of my head. Very pleasant. What possesses someone to do that? Really.

Halfway through the meal Declan began looking a little worse for the wear and was starting to choke. It was decided that we would hurriedly pay and get out of there in case he actually threw up. We made a bee-line for the doors but when we got to the lobby it was absolutely packed. Andrea’s Dad must have excused himself 20 times to get people out of the way.

It was no use. We got the big revolving door and Declan threw up right in front of it. Ah buffet vomit, how wonderful.

Andrea’s Dad continued to try and get Declan out through the revolving door and Andrea followed closely behind with Rhys. Unfortunately Rhys got stuck in the door. Half of his body was inside the door and half was out. Poor kid, he looked really distressed and scared. Andrea’s Dad had no idea why the door was jammed so he continued to push which just made it worse unfortunately. Poor Poppa.

Once we got him out we advised the restaurant of the accident and quickly high-tailed it out of there.

When we got back to Andrea’s parents house the boys perked up and everyone was fine. We could laugh about the whole thing but it was really a rough end to a pretty good meal.

A little while later we were in the living room and Rhys was near the rocking chair. I am not certain how but ended up smashing his nose on the arm of the chair and had a quick whine about it. I checked him out immediately and he seemed to be fine so he went on playing and laughing. About a minute we realized that he was actually bleeding from the nose so we frantically tried to stopped the bleeding while keeping him calm. We all know that kids won’t freak out as long as they don’t see the blood or see people panicking. Eventually we got the bleeding to stop and decided that the day was done. We went home and called it a night.

I love my kids, I really do. Yesterday, I didn’t like them much. I am eagerly awaiting my Father of the Year award.

Falling Into Life

What a crazy couple of months we have had!  Andrea, Declan, Rhys and I would like to welcome Leighton Robert Carroll to the world.  He was born August 31st, 2011 which was a week early.  Obviously anxious to enter our lives.  He is a wonderful little boy and we have been incredibly blessed with all three of our boys.

Having said that I can say with the utmost sincerity that sleep is something that I am sure will happen again.  I have tentatively scheduled it for around Summer of 2015.  We are officially outnumbered now!

Declan turned 4 this summer and started school at the beginning of September.  So far he has taken the changes very well.  He enjoys his teacher and seems to be excited every morning when he is told it is a school day.  He only goes two days a week currently and then a third day every 2 weeks.  It is kind of confusing and has created a bit of stress in making sure that everyone is where they need to be on the correct day.

With Rhys still in daycare there is some continuity for Declan as well because he can go into the daycare when Rhys is dropped off.  Speaking of Rhys, he amazes me.  He is so big now and has such a sweet heart.  He truly enjoys snuggling and hugging and has a smile that lights up the room.  He is thriving in Daycare and I am very happy with how he is developing.  We are in the process of trying to potty train which is a bit difficult with all the adjustments that have been made in his life but he is slowly getting it.

I can't believe how big our boys are getting!  They are little men in truth.

I cannot say enough about how much I feel daycare provided Declan with the tools required to transition into JK.  His conversational English is terrific and his ability to adapt to new situations has certainly benefited.  I would strongly encourage anyone who is on the fence about daycare to seriously consider it.

One of the things that I have been able to take advantage of over the last month is the sabbatical that my company offers.  After 5 years of employment we are entitled to a month off fully paid.  It is supposed to used as a enriching opportunity and I have used it as an opportunity to provide as much support as I can to Andrea during the last month.  Between the arrival of Leighton and Declan beginning JK it has been wonderful being at home.  I have been able to see first hand how quickly the day goes by.  I am awake by 5 or 6:00am and the next thing I know it is the afternoon and almost time to pick up the boys.
Going back to work will be hard because it will be another adjustment for everyone.  It look as though will take off next August for Parental Leave as well which should be nice.

I cannot say enough about the strength that I see daily in Andrea.  She has the patience of a rock with all of her boys, myself included, and is doing it all while being so tired that I am unsure how she functions.  The crazy part is she really doesn't think that she is doing anything remarkable!  I am so proud of her.  She is an amazing Mother and wonderful Wife.

All in all things are going very well.

Memories to Last a Lifetime

Last full day in England and we had a lot of stuff to pack into it. We had to clean up the flat and pack our suitcases so we were ready to be out the next morning no later than 7:00am to get to Gatwick. After tidying up for about 45 minutes (with Declan bouncing off the walls) we got ourselves together and went out for our last day of exploring in London.
I decided that we should pay a visit to Buckingham Palace as we had not been there as of yet.

The flat was only a 10 minute walk from the Royal Mews so we legged it over. Declan was amazed at how big everything was and loved being able to climb up no the Victoria Memorial Fountain. That was until a police officer told me that he should get down as it wasn’t safe. I thought that funny considering some of the other activities I watched people doing but in the end he has a job to so whatever.

The Queen was in residence so Declan waved at the castle in case she saw him which I thought was incredibly cute. We tossed some of my loose change into the fountain to lighten my pockets since I hate bringing coins back from abroad and headed off through St. James Park.

The whole area was under construction since we were only 3 weeks away from the Royal Wedding so there were paths that could be taken and paths that were forbidden. It also seemed that there were a large amount of school groups in the area and I have to say that I am amazed at how inconsiderate some of those punks can be. They walk 5 abreast on a path and expect you to walk around them. I wasn’t having any of it and shouldered through two separate groups almost dropping one kid when he realized that I wasn’t moving.
Declan was so busy running through the grass he never noticed thank goodness. I tried to keep him off the grass because they can be really testy about that sort of thing but in the end it was no use. He was in his element and loving it.

We eventually made our way to Charing Cross Station and boarded a train for Sidcup to have one last visit with my Grandmother before having dinner with my Uncle and his family. I was looking forward to both as I hadn’t seen my Uncle Tim since my Grandfather passed and I have always enjoyed speaking with him and his lovely wife Carol.

Upon arrival at my Grandmother’s we were ushered in and had a wonderful visit. We were able to Skype Andrea’s parents so that she was able to actually see Rhys while he was awake and smiling which I think she really appreciated. Declan was content to sit on the floor and watch a movie on the laptop between having little chats with Grandma and eating as many of her oranges as he possibly could. I don’t think that afternoon could have gone any better.
When Tim and Carol arrived to take us over to the restaurant Declan immediately took to them. Walking over to the restaurant was funny because they were more concerned about him than I was. I know what his limits are and how adventurous he can be but I also know that he is sensible and cautious.

We had a wonderful meal with Tim, Carol and her daughter Leanne and her family. Declan enjoyed meeting more cousins and was sat with their two daughters who fought over who was going to play with him. It was funny to watch to say the least. We had a wonderful meal with good conversation and were able to catch up as best as possible which was really nice. By the time all was said and done we got back to the flat around 8:30pm that night and had a relatively early night.

I am not going to go too far into the flight home as it was a bit of a nightmare and in all honesty it would take too long. Needless to say, we were delayed for over 5 hours and had boarded, disembarked, re-boarded and then sat in an airplane with no power over that whole time. The only saving grace about that whole experience was that Declan was amazing. He took it all in stride and never real got upset about the whole thing. If I had been travelling on my own I probably would have lost my mind but for him it was just another part of the whole adventure. How could I get upset with that? So didn’t.

It’s been just shy of two months since we had our big trip. I have called it my first real opportunity to be alone with my son, my first father-son trip and an exceptional opportunity for my oldest son to meet his Great-Grandmother as well as others in his family. I feel as though I was able to provide him with some sense that he is part of a family that is bigger than what he has here which was my goal. I was able to show him that although family may be far away in miles they can be close to heart. I think that he understands that in his own way since he still speaks of his cousins and the fun that he had playing with them. He asks me occasionally if I remember that day he played in the park with his cousins, or if I remember when we went to Great-Grandma Carroll’s flat. I don’t think that I can ask for anything more of this trip than that.

To the Tower with Him

We were coming into the homestretch on our trip and I was beginning to really miss home. Declan had a couple of nights where he was really tired and while we were laying in bed together he cried that he missed his Mummy and his Rhys and that he wanted to go home. I explained that we would be going home soon and he would calm down and eventually drift off to sleep.

Skype had been a lifesaver throughout the trip. Andrea and I talked almost every day online and Declan was able to see her and Andrea’s parents on more than one occasion which I am sure helped.

We had a big sleep in on Wednesday morning and eventually decided to get our day going. It was probably the crummiest day that we had, weather-wise, but we decided that we were going to go to Tower Bridge and the Tower of London for a few hours.

When we got out off the tube at Tower Hill we were able to see the Bridge as well as the Tower grounds. Declan was immediately impressed with the “Castle”. We walked along the Thames toward the bridge and up toward the bridge deck. The breeze on the bridge was pretty strong and a bit cool but we soldiered on toward the museum area. Before we arrived Declan saw the Tower again and looked like he really wanted to be there instead. I asked him which he would prefer; going up to the top of the bridge or going into the “Castle”? The castle it was.

It had been about 8 years since I had been to the Tower area and it has completely changed since I was there last. We made our way to the booking area to get our tickets and then went through the entrance gates.

I have to admit I never had a real desire to go into the Tower grounds as I didn’t really feel it would be that interesting. I was wrong. The Tower of London was incredibly impressive. My only complaint? Too many stairs! The place is a warren of stairs and passages and I swear that Declan wanted to climb every one of them. We were up and down throughout the whole grounds. He loved it! I loved it! I even got a picture of Declan sitting on Henry VIII’s garderobe!

We did a quick jaunt through the building that houses the Crown Jewels and Declan pretty much just ran through it all. He wasn’t interested in seeing tiaras and rings and baubles. That’s okay though we just ran around pretty much.

I love to see the history of things like the Traitor’s Gate (which to Declan was just a huge wishing well) and the graffiti that is on the walls inside some of the buildings. They house some intricate carvings that were made by some of the most famous political prisoners in history. It was great to get an up close look at these.

I actually found out later that my Grandfather used to take his lunch break strolling along the Thames the same way Declan and I did. When my Grandmother told me this I felt a connection to him that was really powerful. We were walking in his steps even if they were from 30 years ago. I don’t have a ton of memories of my Grandfather (Grumpies) but he was always a large presence in the background of my upbringing: Primarily when we were out of hand and his name was invoked to explain what would have been done if we were his kids.

In speaking of him with my Father and Uncles over the years there has always been a sense of wonder about him. This was a very human part of his life that my Grandmother shared with me. I was incredibly grateful for it.

Once we left the Tower it was a quick jaunt over to St. Paul's. I wanted Declan to see the Church as it is such an icon in the London skyline. It was spitting out slightly so we didn’t stay too long. We sat on the steps and had a quick drink and then I let Declan have a run around the Churchyard so that he could chase the pigeons. He was in heaven (excuse the expression) and I watched him actually chase the pigeons into a group of school kids which made me laugh.

We had an extremely full day and decided to call it a night a bit earlier than normal. This was primarily because we were going to have one more full day of fun before we had to pack up and get ready for the flight home.